I lost it with the boys on Saturday evening. Ever been there? I can't even recall what set me off, perhaps Chris whining about what was prepared for dinner, or Nick needling Chris about a shared baseball cap. Either way, I lost my cool and shouted at them. I know that what sets me off most times is that the plan in my head (which I neglect to share with anyone else) is not what unfolds in real life.
My boys act up and "push my buttons" when they're (a) tired, (b) frustrated or (c) hungry. Most of the time it's a combination of things. What I fail to remember in those moments of anger on my part is that the same things drive me past the point of self-control. I recover pretty well, and hurt feelings seem to be mended in minutes. What I can't gauge right now is the impact of my actions on how they'll function in similar situations as adults.
As fathers we pass along many memories and legacies. It's not just how to throw a curve ball or how to shave. We also pass down the lessons of our most human moments. What I've tried to teach from the times when I'm not at my best, is that it's okay not to be perfect. I can see my sons' frustration when the Lego pieces don't fit perfectly, or when they forget a multiplication answer. I hope that my legacy includes an ability to be gentle with themselves when they fail, humble when they succeed, and the good sense to go with the flow when their plans don't work out exactly as they'd wished.
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