Young love sounds as confusing as old love. Nine-year old Nick gave me a primer on this last night as he recounted in hushed tones the amorous adventures of his fellow travellers in the fourth grade. It turns out that Max is in love with Miranda, Alexa has her eye on Tommy, and while Levi likes Annabelle, he does not "like like" her and hence she is fair game for the intentions of Blake. At least, that's how I recall the conversation twenty-four hours later. Of course, all names have been changed to protect the young and innocent.
As an adult it's easy to look back on your childhood as a simpler time in life. Perhaps it was a simpler time but that doesn't mean it was without complexity. I look at Nick's homework some nights and find myself truly baffled. I can answer the math questions, but the lessons of how to arrive at one sum or another have vanished. On the social scene, he's learning how to be an individual, and how to "fit in" all at the same time. I stuttered through phone calls with girls until my college years. He's fielding those same phone calls like a Lothario. I try to remember to pick my battles, whether it's on the length of his hair or the favorite jeans that are now more holes than fabric. Somewhere (the Upper West Side of Manhattan) my parents are chuckling about generational revenge.
Our kids will follow their own path in life. They'll make mistakes, some of the ones we made and are making today, and some brand new mistakes they can truly call their own. As complex as his life is today, Nick will trade 2010's complications for those of 2030 and beyond. I'll try to protect him from the inevitable hurts, and hope he learns from his forays into the complex world of reality.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
What's Your Comfort Food?
I can feel the lump in my stomach. Hours after an invigorating workout with weights and cardio combined, I've just submarined my fitness efforts with a two-hotdog lunch. The warm buns, mustard (and ketchup) remind me of skipping school for the cheap seats and baseball's opening day, making sure to evade my father who was sitting in the box seats! Cold and cloudy days like today remind me of growing up in Western New York. According to NOAA, Denver (my home today) averages nearly seven of every ten days with sunshine. Rochester, where I grew up, has one sunny day for every one with clouds, 51% days with sunshine to be exact.
I'm not blaming the hotdogs on my upbringing, convenient though that would be. But that lump got me thinking about our "comfort" foods. Are they regional? Do they help us make a link (hotdogs, "link", get it?) to our childhood? Do we choose them, or do they choose us? Mine are the aforementioned frankfurters, along with mac 'n' cheese, chocolate ice cream and my mother's pot roast. Had I chosen them, I like to think I would have chosen more wisely. Broccoli anyone?
I hope my kids will be comforted by many things as they grow older. Perhaps the scent of a cologne, or their mom's homemade burritos. With a nod to the 21st century, it might be the nearly imperceptible hum of their Nintendo toys or laptop. As odd as it sounds, one of the most comforting reminders in my life is the smell of a slightly mildewed garage. That takes me back to my maternal grandparents and their home in Muncie, Indiana. Once in awhile, that same smell visits in our own garage. Some 40 years later and I'm right back playing in the front yard with my little plastic toy soldiers.
The things that comfort us probably choose us, not the other way around. Memories, like hotdogs, are probably best when they are mixed infrequently with our present, and our future.
I'm not blaming the hotdogs on my upbringing, convenient though that would be. But that lump got me thinking about our "comfort" foods. Are they regional? Do they help us make a link (hotdogs, "link", get it?) to our childhood? Do we choose them, or do they choose us? Mine are the aforementioned frankfurters, along with mac 'n' cheese, chocolate ice cream and my mother's pot roast. Had I chosen them, I like to think I would have chosen more wisely. Broccoli anyone?
I hope my kids will be comforted by many things as they grow older. Perhaps the scent of a cologne, or their mom's homemade burritos. With a nod to the 21st century, it might be the nearly imperceptible hum of their Nintendo toys or laptop. As odd as it sounds, one of the most comforting reminders in my life is the smell of a slightly mildewed garage. That takes me back to my maternal grandparents and their home in Muncie, Indiana. Once in awhile, that same smell visits in our own garage. Some 40 years later and I'm right back playing in the front yard with my little plastic toy soldiers.
The things that comfort us probably choose us, not the other way around. Memories, like hotdogs, are probably best when they are mixed infrequently with our present, and our future.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
As Ricky said to Lucy, we Dads "Got a lotta 'splainin to do!"
Between Tiger Woods and his fooling around and Mark McGwire with his steroid usage admissions, my kids are asking some pretty tough questions. How do you explain to an 8-year old what infidelity is? Or why a professional athlete chooses to cheat? With the latter, it's been tougher to explain his media blitz "explanation parade" than it has to explain why he wanted bigger muscles.
All this reminds me of my favorite quote about truth and self-deception. I wish I recalled the source, but the essence is "Character is who you are when no-one is watching." Don't you love the simplicity of that? Whether we choose to cheat on our spouse or flick a cigarette butt out the car window, we exercise what my son Chris refers to as "free will."
An athlete may decide to blame the era in which he played, or the pressure of performing in front of millions of fans. In the end (pun intended) he only has himself to blame for injecting performance-enhancing drugs. I have no doubt that Tiger Woods feels tremendous pressure on and off the golf course, but we've learned more about his character in the last month than from any putt he's ever made.
Whether you're in the middle of a crowded arena or alone in the car with your thoughts, you are constantly acting on your free will. The character you display is truly the measure of the man you are.
Between Tiger Woods and his fooling around and Mark McGwire with his steroid usage admissions, my kids are asking some pretty tough questions. How do you explain to an 8-year old what infidelity is? Or why a professional athlete chooses to cheat? With the latter, it's been tougher to explain his media blitz "explanation parade" than it has to explain why he wanted bigger muscles.
All this reminds me of my favorite quote about truth and self-deception. I wish I recalled the source, but the essence is "Character is who you are when no-one is watching." Don't you love the simplicity of that? Whether we choose to cheat on our spouse or flick a cigarette butt out the car window, we exercise what my son Chris refers to as "free will."
An athlete may decide to blame the era in which he played, or the pressure of performing in front of millions of fans. In the end (pun intended) he only has himself to blame for injecting performance-enhancing drugs. I have no doubt that Tiger Woods feels tremendous pressure on and off the golf course, but we've learned more about his character in the last month than from any putt he's ever made.
Whether you're in the middle of a crowded arena or alone in the car with your thoughts, you are constantly acting on your free will. The character you display is truly the measure of the man you are.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I feel like the groundhog on February 2nd. All I want to do is pop my head out of my den to see if the loud noises and fireworks are over. Then some stranger comes along and yanks me out, naked, for all the world to see.
Okay, leaving the holidays behind and getting back into a routine isn't quite as startling as Groundhog Day must be for Punksatawny Phil. Still, my first full day of work in the New Year felt like "back to reality" day. I noticed this with my sons as well. Both boys return from their school day lately with a glazed look in their eyes, nodding off into their dinner and barely staying awake until bedtime.
When the days are short, and cold, as they are here in Denver, it's easy to fall into hibernation mode. All you want to do is make it from sunrise to sunset, and then back to bed. As a Dad, the challenge is to keep yourself from turning into a sleep-addled zombie. Now is the time to throw your habits a curveball. Here are three ideas:
1. Have the kids make dinner for you. As the restaurant chain slogan goes, "no rules, just right". See what they come up with!
2. Change your workouts. Lift weights? Take an aerobics class! Run in the mornings? Go the local rec center and see how many laps you can swim.
3. Complete a genuine act of self-less gratitude for your spouse or partner. A card tucked under their pillow, flowers, a gift certificate or a simple hug and sincere "I love you" will do wonders for them and for you.
Think of it this way. In the darkest days of winter here in the Northern Hemisphere, our friends in the south are sweating out the dog days of summer. Making small changes in your behavior and being alert to the needs of others gets you focused on something besides yourself.
Okay, leaving the holidays behind and getting back into a routine isn't quite as startling as Groundhog Day must be for Punksatawny Phil. Still, my first full day of work in the New Year felt like "back to reality" day. I noticed this with my sons as well. Both boys return from their school day lately with a glazed look in their eyes, nodding off into their dinner and barely staying awake until bedtime.
When the days are short, and cold, as they are here in Denver, it's easy to fall into hibernation mode. All you want to do is make it from sunrise to sunset, and then back to bed. As a Dad, the challenge is to keep yourself from turning into a sleep-addled zombie. Now is the time to throw your habits a curveball. Here are three ideas:
1. Have the kids make dinner for you. As the restaurant chain slogan goes, "no rules, just right". See what they come up with!
2. Change your workouts. Lift weights? Take an aerobics class! Run in the mornings? Go the local rec center and see how many laps you can swim.
3. Complete a genuine act of self-less gratitude for your spouse or partner. A card tucked under their pillow, flowers, a gift certificate or a simple hug and sincere "I love you" will do wonders for them and for you.
Think of it this way. In the darkest days of winter here in the Northern Hemisphere, our friends in the south are sweating out the dog days of summer. Making small changes in your behavior and being alert to the needs of others gets you focused on something besides yourself.
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