Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Kids and Homework
I'll admit, I'm baffled by much of the math homework that my 10-year old son Nick brings home from fifth grade. Thank goodness the teachers post an "answer key" along with tips on problem solving on the school's Web site. My last math class was during my junior year in high school, around the time the dinosaurs died off. What I think I recall from high school is some basic algebra and that a black bunny and a white bunny will have four "bunettes", one black, one white, and two white/black combinations. If I'm wrong, may Einstein have mercy on my soul.
More challenging initially than the homework itself, was getting both Nick and his younger brother Chris to dedicate time to complete their assignments. Terry and I have come to agree that setting aside a specific window for the boys, where all four of us are dedicated to their homework, has helped avoid potential battles.
The kids come home and immediately head for a snack. After a long day at school, just like an adult coming home from work, the last thing they want to do...is more work. After dinner, and before any dessert, the boys bring their homework to the table and plug away, number "two" pencils in hand. This gives their parents a chance to wash dishes, talk a bit about our days, and be available to answer any questions that come up. Or rush to the computer for the answer key!
Having a set time for tasks like homework or music practice means the kids have no surprises, and are able to understand that their commitments require attention. It occurs to me now that my work day goes much smoother when I keep to a regular schedule. Maybe it's not too late to learn something from fifth grade!
More challenging initially than the homework itself, was getting both Nick and his younger brother Chris to dedicate time to complete their assignments. Terry and I have come to agree that setting aside a specific window for the boys, where all four of us are dedicated to their homework, has helped avoid potential battles.
The kids come home and immediately head for a snack. After a long day at school, just like an adult coming home from work, the last thing they want to do...is more work. After dinner, and before any dessert, the boys bring their homework to the table and plug away, number "two" pencils in hand. This gives their parents a chance to wash dishes, talk a bit about our days, and be available to answer any questions that come up. Or rush to the computer for the answer key!
Having a set time for tasks like homework or music practice means the kids have no surprises, and are able to understand that their commitments require attention. It occurs to me now that my work day goes much smoother when I keep to a regular schedule. Maybe it's not too late to learn something from fifth grade!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Dads and Kids: How To Harness Their Creativity and Energy
Waiting for inspiration as a writer is like a kid waiting for the first snow of winter. They peek out the window looking for a cloud, a flake, any indication that a blizzard is around the corner. You can hope, pray and perform native dances to induce the gods to visit, and deny that you have no control over the situation. Fact is, a writer controls their "block" as much as any of us control the weather. The nice thing about that first snow, and the inspiration to write, is that they both eventually come (depending on the climate) in bunches and they both leave you snowed under.
My kids are the source of so much creative energy that sometimes they lead my business astray. For awhile, I wanted to write children's books. Then I wanted to teach elementary school. A phase passed in which I wanted to base my business on speaking about kids and their Dads. Their wonder and energy is contagious; like Superman, I need to learn to harness that power for good!
The boys asked for a chain saw this past weekend. "What for?" I inquired. Turns out they "need" a tree fort, and a friend at school advised them that a chain saw is a needed accessory to any building project. "Tell you what. When you guys are adults and move out of the house, you can buy your own chain saw. Until then, no chain saw." They were crushed. For about two minutes. Then Nick's (the 10 year old) face brightened. "Chris, when we get a chain saw, we can build a house and live in a tree in the backyard!"
I'm glad they'll be moving out. And I'm glad they're planning on staying close to home.
Fight writer's block, or any creative block, by diving in and seeing where your journey takes you. "Control" isn't nearly as important as we adults make it out to be. Sometimes, you just need the right tools, an optimistic outlook, and a tree to build your dreams in.
My kids are the source of so much creative energy that sometimes they lead my business astray. For awhile, I wanted to write children's books. Then I wanted to teach elementary school. A phase passed in which I wanted to base my business on speaking about kids and their Dads. Their wonder and energy is contagious; like Superman, I need to learn to harness that power for good!
The boys asked for a chain saw this past weekend. "What for?" I inquired. Turns out they "need" a tree fort, and a friend at school advised them that a chain saw is a needed accessory to any building project. "Tell you what. When you guys are adults and move out of the house, you can buy your own chain saw. Until then, no chain saw." They were crushed. For about two minutes. Then Nick's (the 10 year old) face brightened. "Chris, when we get a chain saw, we can build a house and live in a tree in the backyard!"
I'm glad they'll be moving out. And I'm glad they're planning on staying close to home.
Fight writer's block, or any creative block, by diving in and seeing where your journey takes you. "Control" isn't nearly as important as we adults make it out to be. Sometimes, you just need the right tools, an optimistic outlook, and a tree to build your dreams in.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Dad - The New "Satan"?
Eight-year old Chris called me "Satan" the other day. It's hard to interpret that for any audience, but my sense is that he believed at the moment that the Devil and me were pretty much interchangable. My "sin" as far as I can ascertain, is that I wouldn't let him (Chris, not the Devil) wwatch YouTube on the computer past 9pm.
Being a parent is like riding a rollercoaster. One minute you're the shining star of your child's life, the next minute you're Mussolini, only without the captive audience. My wife Terry has a good approach to the changing fortunes of parenting, never getting too high or too low. I wish I could adopt that stance for myself, but when Chris lashed out I took his words to bed with me and felt like a real failure as a father.
What saved me was remembering some of the hateful things that I said, or imagined I said, to my own father. The world of a child is centered on self, and that world revolves around their wants and needs. Not having computer time in 2010 is a lot like being called in off the playground while the sun is still out in 1971. The level of technology changes, but not the perspective of the child.
As I approach fifty, it's striking how much I value contact with my folks. Perhaps as we learn to cope with their imperfections, they teach us how to cope with our own. As parents, we're no angels, but we're certainly not satan either.
Being a parent is like riding a rollercoaster. One minute you're the shining star of your child's life, the next minute you're Mussolini, only without the captive audience. My wife Terry has a good approach to the changing fortunes of parenting, never getting too high or too low. I wish I could adopt that stance for myself, but when Chris lashed out I took his words to bed with me and felt like a real failure as a father.
What saved me was remembering some of the hateful things that I said, or imagined I said, to my own father. The world of a child is centered on self, and that world revolves around their wants and needs. Not having computer time in 2010 is a lot like being called in off the playground while the sun is still out in 1971. The level of technology changes, but not the perspective of the child.
As I approach fifty, it's striking how much I value contact with my folks. Perhaps as we learn to cope with their imperfections, they teach us how to cope with our own. As parents, we're no angels, but we're certainly not satan either.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Are Your Training Wheels Still On?
With a wrench and a bit of elbow grease, our two boys have expanded their world exponentially. The training wheels came off a few weeks ago, and now they're barreling down our steep driveway at breakneck (not literally we hope) speed. I can recall that very same moment of freedom in my own life. Perhaps you can too.
Taking risk is a big part of life, whether you're careening down a slope on two wheels or breaking away from a comfortable job. A quote that inspires me when I'm considering adding more risk to my daily grind comes from the late Arthur Miller.
"One can't forever stand on the shore. At some point, filled with indecision, skepticism, reservation and doubt, you either jump in or concede that life is forever elsewhere."
Watching the smiles of new-found confidence on the faces of Nick and Chris reminds me that reward rarely comes without risk. We can wear helmets and kneepads, but the scrapes and bloody elbows are a part of the bargain. I know what I'll remember of this passage into mobility for my children, are their smiles of joy with the wind in their face. Their confidence inspires me to pursue reward in the face of risk in my own life.
Taking risk is a big part of life, whether you're careening down a slope on two wheels or breaking away from a comfortable job. A quote that inspires me when I'm considering adding more risk to my daily grind comes from the late Arthur Miller.
"One can't forever stand on the shore. At some point, filled with indecision, skepticism, reservation and doubt, you either jump in or concede that life is forever elsewhere."
Watching the smiles of new-found confidence on the faces of Nick and Chris reminds me that reward rarely comes without risk. We can wear helmets and kneepads, but the scrapes and bloody elbows are a part of the bargain. I know what I'll remember of this passage into mobility for my children, are their smiles of joy with the wind in their face. Their confidence inspires me to pursue reward in the face of risk in my own life.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Read This Before Your Next Car Trip With Kids!
I just spent (or survived) 10 hours in the car with my two sons. A greater test of parental love and tolerance, there may not be. Traveling from Jackson Hole, Wyoming to our home in Parker, Colorado brought us 537.8 miles closer. Three lessons I learned for long car rides in the future.
1. If you rely on your spouse to charge the portable DVD player and you know beforehand that he/she won't be joining you in the car, make sure you learn how to accomplish this task yourself.
2. Pack enough snacks so that you can cut down on your drive time. Let your kids choose the snacks, since they'll be the ones eating.
3. Stock the car with music that everyone can sing along to. Like it or not, my kids are into the Beatles (hooray!), Bon Jovi (eh) and AC/DC (sorry, I never "got" them)
My guys are 8 and 10 years old, and we played "Mad Libs" most of the way. It was a great way for them to expand their vocabulary and learn creative ways to insert gross bodily function sounds into conversations. And I finally learned the difference between an adverb and an adjective.
1. If you rely on your spouse to charge the portable DVD player and you know beforehand that he/she won't be joining you in the car, make sure you learn how to accomplish this task yourself.
2. Pack enough snacks so that you can cut down on your drive time. Let your kids choose the snacks, since they'll be the ones eating.
3. Stock the car with music that everyone can sing along to. Like it or not, my kids are into the Beatles (hooray!), Bon Jovi (eh) and AC/DC (sorry, I never "got" them)
My guys are 8 and 10 years old, and we played "Mad Libs" most of the way. It was a great way for them to expand their vocabulary and learn creative ways to insert gross bodily function sounds into conversations. And I finally learned the difference between an adverb and an adjective.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Which Rules to Obey?
I watched a Dad and several youngsters hop into the hot-tub at our gym recently. They dropped their towels right by the sign that reads "No children 12 and under allowed in the hot tub!" Both kids looked to be five or six years old. Being a parent can feel like being under a 24/7 microscope sometimes, and this situation made me think about what we teach our children about rules and the truth.
Telling a "white lie" is accepted as part of navigating society. We cut corners a bit here and there to ease potential rough spots in relationships. What was the father in the hot-tub teaching his kids about rules? Are some "made to be broken" like athletic records? I can't imagine telling my children to obey traffic signals and speed limit signs, while I keep one eye on the road and the other on a radar detector. I can't imagine letting my kids into the hot-tub before they're twelve years old. If they see me flaunt one rule, that will confuse them about which rules can be bent or broken.
That said, I hope that sixty years ago I would have insisted that my boys give up their "front of the bus" seats to an African-American woman, regardless of where on the bus that woman was "supposed" to sit. Some rules were made to be broken I guess. How do you explain to your children when a rule doesn't make sense? Or when a rule, like the hot-tubs at my club, makes sense for some people but not for others?
Telling a "white lie" is accepted as part of navigating society. We cut corners a bit here and there to ease potential rough spots in relationships. What was the father in the hot-tub teaching his kids about rules? Are some "made to be broken" like athletic records? I can't imagine telling my children to obey traffic signals and speed limit signs, while I keep one eye on the road and the other on a radar detector. I can't imagine letting my kids into the hot-tub before they're twelve years old. If they see me flaunt one rule, that will confuse them about which rules can be bent or broken.
That said, I hope that sixty years ago I would have insisted that my boys give up their "front of the bus" seats to an African-American woman, regardless of where on the bus that woman was "supposed" to sit. Some rules were made to be broken I guess. How do you explain to your children when a rule doesn't make sense? Or when a rule, like the hot-tubs at my club, makes sense for some people but not for others?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
