Eight-year old Chris called me "Satan" the other day. It's hard to interpret that for any audience, but my sense is that he believed at the moment that the Devil and me were pretty much interchangable. My "sin" as far as I can ascertain, is that I wouldn't let him (Chris, not the Devil) wwatch YouTube on the computer past 9pm.
Being a parent is like riding a rollercoaster. One minute you're the shining star of your child's life, the next minute you're Mussolini, only without the captive audience. My wife Terry has a good approach to the changing fortunes of parenting, never getting too high or too low. I wish I could adopt that stance for myself, but when Chris lashed out I took his words to bed with me and felt like a real failure as a father.
What saved me was remembering some of the hateful things that I said, or imagined I said, to my own father. The world of a child is centered on self, and that world revolves around their wants and needs. Not having computer time in 2010 is a lot like being called in off the playground while the sun is still out in 1971. The level of technology changes, but not the perspective of the child.
As I approach fifty, it's striking how much I value contact with my folks. Perhaps as we learn to cope with their imperfections, they teach us how to cope with our own. As parents, we're no angels, but we're certainly not satan either.
Showing posts with label single parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single parent. Show all posts
Monday, August 2, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Handling Fatherhood Stress!
I'd last about three days as a single parent. Okay, make that seven days. That's how long my wife was gone on her most recent trip, leaving me to fend for (and off) the boys on my own. For those of you who shoulder solo parenting full-time, I could not have more respect.
Parenting is about rising to the occasion. Resiliency as a parent means being prepared for as much as you can, and being flexible when the un-expected occurs. Here are the things I try to remember when fatherhood takes on added stress.
1. Re-think priorities. If the kids are clean, fed and happy, that's enough until you reach a place of relative calm.
2. Be kind to yourself. Whether your guilty pleasure is soaking in a warm bath or having a sitter take over for an afternoon, be selfish in the short term to be your best in the long term.
3. Give the kids more autonomy, not less. This sounds like the exact opposite of what you should do, but hear me out. My sons rise to the occasion, much like I hope I do. They're eight and nine years old. What a joy it is to hear their laughter and witness the creativity when I say "Guys, dinner is on your own this evening!" Yes, we eat a lot of peanut butter and jelly, and the kitchen counter is sticky for days. It's well worth the price for one evening where I'm not cogitating on how to prepare pasta in new and exciting ways.
A mentor told me once that parenting "isn't rocket science". That's true. It took the USA a dedicated decade to put men on the moon. We're still working on the art and science of parenting, and we will be far into the future. What you're doing as a Dad is far more difficult than any far-flung other-worldy endeavor.
Way to go Pop!
Parenting is about rising to the occasion. Resiliency as a parent means being prepared for as much as you can, and being flexible when the un-expected occurs. Here are the things I try to remember when fatherhood takes on added stress.
1. Re-think priorities. If the kids are clean, fed and happy, that's enough until you reach a place of relative calm.
2. Be kind to yourself. Whether your guilty pleasure is soaking in a warm bath or having a sitter take over for an afternoon, be selfish in the short term to be your best in the long term.
3. Give the kids more autonomy, not less. This sounds like the exact opposite of what you should do, but hear me out. My sons rise to the occasion, much like I hope I do. They're eight and nine years old. What a joy it is to hear their laughter and witness the creativity when I say "Guys, dinner is on your own this evening!" Yes, we eat a lot of peanut butter and jelly, and the kitchen counter is sticky for days. It's well worth the price for one evening where I'm not cogitating on how to prepare pasta in new and exciting ways.
A mentor told me once that parenting "isn't rocket science". That's true. It took the USA a dedicated decade to put men on the moon. We're still working on the art and science of parenting, and we will be far into the future. What you're doing as a Dad is far more difficult than any far-flung other-worldy endeavor.
Way to go Pop!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Saluting the Single Parent
My wife's been out of town for three days. The kids and I miss her very much for a wide variety of reasons. Her smile, her hugs, her warm words, her errands, her cleaning, her schedule-keeping. Get the picture? Without Terry here, the kids and I slip into "bare necessities" mode. As long as there is un-expired milk in the fridge and pizza at the door, I'm happy and so are the boys.
The good news is, I know my wife will return. At 6:19pm Friday evening to be exact, not that anyone is counting.
For the single parent, help often doesn't arrive at a scheduled time. Nor is the help "guaranteed" like when there are two parents in the picture. I've had friends throughout the years that raised kids on their own, and I can't imagine greater heros in our daily midst. Some people parent alone, meaning their spouse doesn't provide a whole lot of help. Others parent individually due to tragedy, love lost or because they choose to.
You probably know a single parent. The holidays are a great time to offer a helping hand to these heros. Even if it's just a few hours of childcare so they can have some time to themselves, the brief respite is a marvelous present. And you don't even have to wrap it!
The good news is, I know my wife will return. At 6:19pm Friday evening to be exact, not that anyone is counting.
For the single parent, help often doesn't arrive at a scheduled time. Nor is the help "guaranteed" like when there are two parents in the picture. I've had friends throughout the years that raised kids on their own, and I can't imagine greater heros in our daily midst. Some people parent alone, meaning their spouse doesn't provide a whole lot of help. Others parent individually due to tragedy, love lost or because they choose to.
You probably know a single parent. The holidays are a great time to offer a helping hand to these heros. Even if it's just a few hours of childcare so they can have some time to themselves, the brief respite is a marvelous present. And you don't even have to wrap it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
