The more parents I speak to, the more I realize that parenting means putting your own needs last. While I salute the sacrifice that each of us makes in bringing up our kids, when we subjugate our own needs time and time again, we're teaching our children to do the same thing should they become parents. Isn't it time to stop the cycle of self-abuse? After all, if you're feeling unfulfilled professionally or personally, it's pretty easy for your kids to pick up on that. What they learn is what they see and experience.
A concept that I introduce in many of my coaching sessions with parents is the idea of becoming "Selflessly Selfish". Here are the underpinnings of this thinking:
You can't be a great parent without being a great friend to yourself.
You must pay attention to the signals your mind and body send you.
Time for yourself is not selfishness.
Time for yourself allows you to rejuvenate body and spirit.
Time for yourself is a great model for your partner and your children.
Here are my "Top Five" ways to be selflessly selfish:
5. Take a walk.
4. Read a great book.
3. Write a notecard to a friend.
2. Listen to great music while doing something creative.
1. Take a nap.
How important are selflessly selfish activities? A recent study found that one-third of American children are more stressed today than they were a year ago. If we don't model ways to minimize and manage stress, who will? For more great tips, please see the American Psychological Association's latest report on stress at
http://apahelpcenter.mediaroom.com/file.php/211/Talking+with+your+Children+about+Stress+FINAL.pdf
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I have one of those kids who is constantly oppositional. If I say the sky is blue, he'll say it's not. And this starts from the moment he wakes up, till the moment he falls asleep. The topic matters not, and it can be something about which he knows zilch. He just has to say something. On some days, I can handle it; on other days, it drives me crazy. So I have to give myself a break -- even if it's giving him more screen time (TV, computer, Wii, etc.) than I'd like. That gives me the time to get something done, but I'll try to follow your advice and do something more "selfish" during those screen-time breaks and see how that works out. Ideally, I'll be better prepared for him when the break is over.
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